When you want a pet and don’t get one, you name stuff. In my case, I decided to make a walnut a pet, and named it Wilma.
There was also a balloon named Bert. If you know anything about balloons you know that they are fine for a while and can, in lieu of a pet, make a nice companion. But in time, they ever slowly start to lose life. Until there is nothing left but a limp, lifeless, empty balloon. So I did what anyone would do when a pet dies. You give it a proper send off.
If you’re wondering what happens to a balloon after 30 years, it becomes hard and brittle.
Of course my kid wants a dog but there is no dog in our family’s future. But he seems happy just to name fish. RIP Julian. Long live Beckham.
Bert – you were a good balloon.